Steven Hayes, David Barlow, and other psychological greats discovered that emotional avoidance is one of the leading causes of most psychological problems. It sounds surprising for some, because it is commonly believed that avoiding negative emotions is reasonable. People are taught to shoo away “negative vibes,” and forget about unhappy events. For many, avoiding negative emotions brings them relief—but it is just a temporary fix.
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Avoiding negative emotions can bring short term peace of mind, but it can eventually lead to long term pain. Unresolved issues will pile up as time goes by, and eventually, the person will have to confront them when they rise to the surface. It is just like prolonging agony.
The more people avoid the negative, the weaker they become, and the more their coping mechanisms and skills turn rusty. It can also cause hyper-vigilance about the possibility of the negative feelings arising. This fear can be a different negative experience for the person. Emotional avoidance is also linked to being in denial about the truth, which is not healthy. Denying realities is never going to contribute to problem resolution.
So how should people deal with negative emotions? Acceptance is key. Accepting negative feelings is not a bad thing, and it is better than avoiding it. People have no control over their feelings, but have total control over their actions. Just after the emotion is acknowledged can people pursue actions and behaviors that are in sync and aligned with their personal values and goals.
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Negative emotions can hurt but won’t kill. It’s okay not to be okay, but staying or lingering in the dark is already a different story.
Marc Accetta is a life coach known for his unique style of facilitating talks and seminars. Read similar articles by visiting this blog.
