REPOST: What Death Taught Me About Life: 5 Inspirational Lessons

Death is inevitable in human life but as bad as it sounds, people can still learn a lot about life when faced with the death of a loved one. This article by Joyce Marter of Psychcentral.com shares the five lessons she learned about life through death.

Image Source: psychcentral.com

It was 3 o’clock in the morning when I opened my eyes and felt like my body had been hit by a Mack truck. I was in the guest bedroom of my parents’ home in Ohio. As I became conscious, I recalled the previous day’s unseemly events—selecting a casket, shopping for a black suit for my mother, and a surreal slew of other revolting tasks my sister and I completed with robotic formality as silent screams reverberated through my 28 year-old mind. Then I remembered—my father had died following a routine surgery.

My body ached with sadness from head to toe as I got up to go to my father’s moonlit den. I picked up a paper and pen with my hands, leadened with grief, and began to write his eulogy. Tears streamed down my face as the words flowed out of my heart and through the pen until the paper was filled. I wrote the eulogy from beginning to end without changing a word. In retrospect, I believe this is because in my grief-stricken state, I was stripped down to my most vulnerable and authentic self. The message I wanted to deliver was easily accessed from my soul and downloaded to the paper.

At the funeral, I heard the ‘click clack’ of my heels on the stone floor as I walked alone to the altar and up to the podium, relieved I was standing when I feared I would crumble. As I recited the eulogy, I heard a somber strength in the timbre of my voice as I looked into the mass of saddened faces. When I finished, I returned to my seat where my husband hugged me and my mother and three siblings thanked me through matching sets of blue-gray eyes, all overflowing with tears.

“Beautiful, Joyce…,” I recall the priest saying after taking a long pause. He noted that while my father had achieved a Harvard MBA and an impressive career as a corporate executive, I had mentioned none of that. The things I had mentioned included things about who he was as a man and as a father—things that mattered to me. For example:

• My father was masterful at packing the trunk of our car for our annual family vacation to Cape Cod. He meticulously arranged the luggage for all six of us ensuring there still was room for the board games and the volleyball for us to play with together.
• My dad told me I could be whatever I wanted to be. He asked me often if I was happy, because that was important to him.
• He almost always said yes to playing cards with his children or grandchildren (we had to put up with his corny jokes and bad puns, but he would play…)

Those who knew him best thanked me for capturing his essence. Others thanked me for reminding them of what is important and inspiring them to be better. For me, the eulogy experience was a critical beginning to my grief process—one that continues to ebb and flow, in different ways, many moons later.

Since then, I have lost others whom I have loved deeply.

Most paramountly, my mother passed away when I was 36. She had a brain tumor and died seven weeks after diagnosis. My children were small and I watched her deteriorate from living a full life as an involved grandmother, to unable to walk or speak, to death, all in under two months. I experienced complicated grief for months, if not more than a year, after hear death.

A year ago, I lost my dear friend, Carrie, to breast cancer. It was powerfully heartbreaking and high honor to be part of a circle of women whom she entrusted to process her feelings about her impending death and to establish a plan to support her husband and kids following her passing. (I was asked to give her daughter advice about love and relationships…)

Most regretably, I’ve also supported friends who have endured unimaginable losses; one who buried an infant and one who buried an adult child. There are no words.

Through my personal experiences of love and loss, and through 20 years of counseling countless clients through theirs, I have learned the following truths:

1) Life is a truly gift. We’re probably all guilty at times of viewing time as an obstacle we need to hunker down and get through (i.e. “Isn’t it the end of the workday yet?”, “I just need to get through this year…”) Death reminds us that life is precious, temporary and not to be taken for granted or begrudged. A daily practice of gratitude such as a meditation, affirmation or journal entry is a great way to stay positive and aligned with the awareness of the awesome gift of life.

2) You are not your resume. While our academic and career accomplishments bring knowledge and experiences, it is our choices that define our character and bring wisdom. When somebody one day gives your eulogy, it is doubtful your GPA or workplace title will be cited. What will be remembered is how you made people feel, so be mindful of being present in your relationships and be your best self.

3) The present moment is where life occurs. We all ruminate about the past and worry about the future. Death reminds us that all we have for certain is right now and re-calibrates our values. Don’t waste your life second-guessing your past or waiting to live your life. Live life passionately and fearlessly. Live today and every day to it’s fullest, brilliant magnificence. Laugh with abandon. (Even in the last weeks of my mother’s life, my sisters and I experienced moments with her where we were overcome by fits of hysterical laughter together. I’m grateful we seized those precious opportunities for connection and hold those memories close to my heart.)

4) Loss can bring unexpected and enormous blessings. Hardships are opportunities for growth. Unimaginable losses are openings for the soul to receive healing love from new sources. In my practice and in my own journey, I have been awed and inspired by the resiliency of the human spirit. You never know how strong you are until you endure the unendurable. While it may be impossible to understand our losses, I believe all people come in our lives for a reason; setting our lives on the correct trajectory for our psycho-spiritual development. Notice the blessings you have received from your losses and be grateful for the ways those experiences have carved wisdom and depth into your being.

5) Love is the currency of life. In our culture, we place far too much value on achievement, money, possessions and beauty. Love is what matters and what is remembered. It is LOVE which connects us to one another and to the world around us, in life and beyond.

"FORGIVE quickly,

KISS slowly,

LOVE truly,

LAUGH uncontrollably."

Discover more lessons in life by following this Mark Accetta Google+ page.

REPOST: Gabrielle Bernstein: How to achieve unlimited happiness by making changes in your life

How can we achieve unlimited happiness in both our career and life? Dan Schawbel of Forbes.com shares his recent conversation with Gabrielle Bernstein, author of The New York Times bestseller " May Cause Miracles: A 40-Day Guidebook of Subtle Shifts for Radical Change and Unlimited Happiness."

Image Source: forbes.com

I recently spoke to the wondering Gabrielle Bernstein, who is the New York Times bestselling author of May Cause Miracles: A 40-Day Guidebook of Subtle Shifts for Radical Change and Unlimited Happiness. She also wrote Add More ~ing to Your Life and Spirit Junkie. She’s been featured on Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday as a next generation thought leader. Forbes named Gabrielle one of the Top 20 Best Branded Women and YouTube named her one of their Next Vloggers Gabrielle is also the founder of the social networking site HerFuture.com for women to inspire, empower and connect. Gabrielle has a weekly radio show every Wednesday on Hay House Radio and is a featured curator for Opensky. You can follow her on Facebook or Twitter @GabbyBernstein.

In this interview, she talks about how she’s developed her career, the biggest obstacles that she’s had, why she focused on spirituality, how people can get back on track in this bad economy and more.

You’ve created your own media empire over the years. How did you originally get into this career path and what were some of the biggest obstacles when you first started out?

I started my entrepreneurial journey right out of college. At the age of 21 I incorporated my first business, a PR firm based in New York City. I successfully ran that business with a partner for five years, but all the while I felt there was something missing. In 2005 I made major changes in my personal life that led me to shift gears. At that time I put down my PR business and began working as a life coach and speaker. I gave talks on what I was experiencing in my own life and shared the incredible lessons I was learning. Through my own spiritual journey I was guided to teach others how to crack open their authentic truth.

Over time, my lecture circuit grew. I witnessed a new Zeitgeist emerge: Young women were choosing real happiness over the party scene and fancy shoes. It has been a true pleasure to be at the forefront of this shift.

When selecting your field, why did you focus on spirituality and did you know that younger women would respond to it like the have?

I got started on my spiritual path when I was a kid. My mom taught me how to meditate and brought me to ashrams and spiritual circles. But I turned my back on spirituality for several years–until I hit a big bottom at 25 and had no choice but to return to my spiritual roots for help. I did just that. Since then, I have been on a steadfast journey inward as a self-proclaimed Spirit Junkie. As I grew spiritually I reclaimed a strong sense of self-respect and self-love, which is what led me to become an author and a speaker. My transition was very smooth because I was following my true purpose.

I believe that my work has been well-received because it is authentic. All people really want are authenticity and truth.

The bad economy has really ruined people emotionally and some have even given up on their job search completely. What are your recommendations to them? How can they get back on the right track?

When times are tough we have two choices: we can get sucked into fear or we can get creative. Fear is often our immediate response to uncertainty. There’s nothing wrong with experiencing fear. They key is not to get stuck in it. When we’re mired in fear, we feel like victims. We feel exhausted and helpless—or bitter and angry (or all of the above) because we focus on fear-based thoughts. Each thought we have influences our energy, and our energy makes the first impression on a job interview. My best advice for people looking to get out of the recession funk is to work through their fears and change their thoughts and energy. Everything else will flow from that.

In my new book, May Cause Miracles, I have an entire chapter dedicated to finance. Throughout the chapter I suggest several concrete ways you can change your mind about your experience. One example is to practice using the affirmation, I am not my lack mentality. I am not my lack mentality. Throughout the day, make an effort to be conscious of your recession fears. For instance, maybe your heart pounds every time you look at your bank statements. Or maybe you avoid negotiating for fear of not getting what you want, or because you’ve convinced yourself you’re not worth more. In the moment that you recognize your fear popping up, simply say (out loud or to yourself): I am not my lack mentality. This affirmation will remind you that you’ve merely chosen the wrong-minded approach to money, and that you can forgive yourself and change your thoughts. This practice will kick off the process of disconnecting from the fear.

Trust that by thinking or saying the words you’re creating a subtle shift that will move your focus away from fear. Remember that this path requires a moment-to-moment commitment to a positive perspective. That commitment will strengthen your faith in abundance one loving thought at a time.

In your book, you offer an action plan for people that takes 40 days. Why does it take that much time to bring out your best self? Does the amount of time required to transform your life change based on who you are?

Like any effective practice, true transformation occurs with daily repetition. Begin with a 40-day commitment and start experiencing positive results immediately. Why 40 days? Metaphysicians and yogis place much emphasis on the repetition of a 40-day practice. Mythical examples range from Moses’s 40 days and 40 nights in the desert to the story of the Buddha reaching enlightenment on the full moon in May after meditating and fasting under the Bodhi tree for 40 days. The number has scientific significance, too: research has shown that after repeating a new pattern for 40 days, you can change the neural pathways in your brain to create long-lasting change. So let’s take a cue from the mystics and scientists alike, and commit to this 40-day fear cleanse. It’s the simple, consistent shifts that count when you’re making change—so I’ve outlined May Cause Miracles to be fun and achievable. In the book I guide readers to keep it uncomplicated and stay on track. And one day at a time you’ll begin to experience the miraculous shifts.

What are your top three best pieces of career advice to those who are just starting out?

Image Source: forbes.com

1. Love what you do. Though this suggestion may sound cliche, it is the most important career advice I could offer anyone. When you love what you do, a power greater than you takes over. Passion creates purpose. When we live from a place of purpose, doors open effortlessly, money flows and incredible opportunities arise. The Universe supports you when you’re inspired.

2. Be authentic. There is nothing cooler than your authentic truth. Throughout my career the people who I’ve hired have been those who are honest and real. Don’t be afraid to be YOU. When you are yourself in a work environment or on an interview, all false pretenses lift and people feel connected to you. Everyone wants to feel connected, and when you are your authentic self, you offer them that opportunity.

3. Don’t be afraid to ask for more. Particularly during a recession, I see many people settling for less. Folks are plagued by the limiting belief that in tough economic times, “you have to take what you can get.” This fear-based belief system is not supporting the economy or your bank account. There is no harm in asking for more. Women in particular have a very difficult time negotiating and asking for what they want. Truth? The only way you’re going to get what you want is if you ask for it. It might make you uncomfortable to ask, but it’s important that you acknowledge that fear and discomfort … and ask anyway.

Marc Accetta has inspired many people to achieve their personal goals. He believes that to be successful, one must be able to shake off doubts and fears, improve self-esteem, and hone personal skills. If you want to become successful, follow this Twitter page for more self-improvement tips.